Friday, December 30, 2011

The Fat Knight's Quest for Burger Perfection

Open wide, here comes another dose of meat-tacular-ness.

I know I've mentioned this on the facebooks, but I think it's time to make this quest a more serious part of my daily life. It will, after all, save the world some day.
Photo stolen from the interwebs, but great meat ratio!

I set out about a year ago to make the perfect burger. I realized soon after that this was, perhaps, too open-ended of a goal and narrowed my sights slightly. I want to make the perfect "classic" burger. After I've established this base, I can screw with it as I please and make all kinds of creations that'll make you feel like you need a shower. The problem comes in defining "classic".

I think, at this point, my definition is this:
The classic burger patty must be beef.
The classic bun must be some sort of white bun.
The burger accoutrements may include only the following: Lettuce, Tomato, Onion, Pickle, Cheese
Burger sauces may include only the following: Classic Mayo, Ketchup (Catsup is acceptable), Mustard
Butter is encouraged in all steps of the project.
I think, in order for this to be considered the "best" burger, it must taste good at Medium Rare, Medium, and Medium Well. I know, I know, I'm a purist too and often want to order meat to specific temperatures, let alone donenesses (...word?), but if you're cooking for people, you often get stupid requests. We'll let the fringe eaters suffer, but the 99% of the meat-loving community should be able to enjoy the Best Burger.

My first step is going to be this: Anywhere I can find who claims to have a burger of great acclaim, I shall eat the classic version of the burger and evaluate. I will note characteristics of the burger I like, characteristics I do not like, and if there's anything particularly special about it, I will hang the chef upside-down and pluck out his eyelashes until he tells me how to do it. I will try to maintain as consistent a version of the burger as is possible (in the name of SCIENCE!), and compile a list of what I think my perfect burger should look/taste/smell/feel like.

Now here's what I need from readers:
What is your favorite burger joint? Where is it located? I am not opposed to driving a day trip for a burger. I have carnivorous roommates who would gladly accompany me. If you live in the area, I'll happily "meat" you there for lunch or dinner (love a good pun...). Even if you think (or know) I've been there before, POST! I am starting my burger palate from scratch.

The real challenge here is going to be eating a burger at Terry's Turf Club without sauce...

Here's some meat in a bun!
(You'll be shot for well-done.)
Giving props to the steer,
We all now drink our beer!

-Sir John

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